Add me if you wanna chat or something bbs. I'm friendly :)

"Borders is very excited to share with Lexicon readers a look at the calendar’s cover and a First Look at of one of the calendar pages inside! "

YAAAAYY!

I was watching the Cedric interview with Rob in it, and I captured my favorite moments<3





I love this man. For realz.

okaaaay. so i have my senior picture in an hour (yes, i know, laugh at me, i'm a youngin') and i have just been attacked by my mother. she decides she wants to do my make up and so i said fine. she also decided to make that into a 2 hour process. i think i'm going to die. i hate getting all "dressed up" and "looking nice". i'm a freakin tom boy at heart. rawr.

anyway, i'll be sure to scan my pictures in when i get them and put them up so you all can see/laugh at them. yaaaaay class of '09.

i'll bring a picture of rob so i can stare at it and give a nice, dazzling, smile. :)

a cute nerdy rob for your time to read my rant:


awwww. i love him :)

okaaaaay. so i did some digging through my bookmarks on firefox, and i came across the choir myspace i made for my high school choir. i forgot how good we sounded last winter! it made me happy, since we're all here appreciating rob's music. sooo, if any of you guys have a myspace, you should check this out.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=152856798
^ it's kind of christmas-ish since it was our winter concert, so yeah... hahaa :)

alsooo, i'm planning on making a fanvid for TMBH, and i need song ideas. any suggestions? :) i'll post this over at obs_twilighter because i know we all don't look at my personal LJ, haha.

alrighty, i gotta go babysit.
adios!

one of my friends posted the videos from my trip to disney world! it just completely made my LIFE. i miss it so much, especially since i got to see my best friend alicia who lives in fl and came to see us for the day! KJAS reunites! <3

don't judge me, haha, i'm posting these because my friend told me to "share them with the world"


^ weird spanish song. hahah.


^ kung foo fighting puppets, haha. i'm the blue monkey!


^ my friends alicia, jaci, and sarah, and of course, meeee.

I'm in love with TBMH and I can't find the whole movie anywhere. I guess I'm gonna have to order it off of the Amazon UK. *pout* Rob's such a cute nerd! Ahhhh. Look at this fanvid, he's sooo adorable.


Daniel Gale/Rob Pattinson/Spunky = LOVE.

okay, so i'm in love with my new layout. i love the header, eeeek. rob's so gorgeous and i'm still extremely excited for this movie. only 30 some days left until breaking dawn! eeeeek, so excited for that!

i'm mad at larry again, though. TT sucked this week. all it showed was taylor talk about bella's truck. 0_o whoooooo. come on, larry, you've got better than that!

hahaha, i better get to bed, it's like 1:30am and i've gotta get up early to babysit. ugh.

okay... well like i said, i've been having problems with my boyfriend, but i've been ignoring them lately. it's been alright i guess. i can tell he likes me a lot more than i like him, but whatever i guess. i just want him to be happy. anyway, i updated my facebook status to "Katie wishes she could be fucking numb" because i really do. it would be helpful to learn how to be numb. i should just go take lessons from Bella. anyway, the guy that used to be my best friend for like a year and a half (who my boyfriend told to stay the fuck away from me) IMed me, drunk, asking "what the fuck is wrong?" i got a little scared, okay, i got really scared, because i miss him a lot, and i was startled to see his screen name on my screen. he helped me through all of my problems. my depression, my parent's almost divorce, the guy who used me, etc. he was the only person who'd stay up with me until 4 am just telling me it was gonna be okay. *sigh* anyway, so he asked me what was wrong, and i felt strangely compelled to tell him. so i told him what was bothering me, and he told me i should seek help - like from my parents or something about matt (my boyfriend) being too clingy, controlling, and obsessive. i can't believe how much i miss paul (my friend). and it really hurts that he waited until he was drunk to ask if i was fucking okay. ugh. i just want my fucking life back.

yeah. rant over.

Ultimate score here. My boyfriend wasn't paying attention to me at all, so I grabbed his shaprie off of his desk and decided to write Spunk Ransom on his stomach. He was like "What the hell is a Spunk Ransom?" And I told him it was Rob's nick name. He got so mad, hahaha. He knows allll about my Rob obsession ... *innocent eyes*

Then the mother fucker wrote "I <3 the wolves" on my arm. I freaked out, ran to the bathroom, and started scrubbing. I wanted to break his jaw, and I almost did. *grunts* Fucking wolves. Fucking JB. UGH.

Oh well, I spunk'd my boyfriend, do I get bonus points for that one!? I even got a picture (I'll put it up whenever I figure out how to send it with my new phone... haha)

<3 SPUNK the word.

He likes coke too. SEE. we're going to get married now because he's totally drinking coke and i'm addicted to coke a cola.

LOVE<333

okay. i haven't been on here in a while, so i felt the need to update this jawn. my mom's been flipping shit for me to apply somewhere this sumemr so i can do something "productive" instead of sitting on my ass all day on the computer. i really don't care about working, it's not like i need to buy anything other than my twilight stuff <3, some clothes, and the rest i'll ask for for my birthday in september. my boyfriend and i keep fighting and i'm sick of it. he's complaining all the time that i'm leaving him to go to college next year, and that may just be the case. i'm so sick of it. why can't i have an edward cullen!? ugh. and i figured out who my real friends are - and i don't have any. the only people i actually like are the ones i talk to online, and it sucks because i have no one to hang out with around here anymore. it fucking sucks.

UGH.

the only way i'm going to feel better now is if jacob black is killed off in BD. UGHHHHH. that's all for now. peace.

UGH! I hate mouth raping dogs. They ruin everything and they need to just go jump off a cliff and STAY DOWN THERE. UGH. For those of you who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, it's my favorite book series, Twilight. I can't say what I want to say anywhere else, so I'm going to say it here on LJ. EDWARD ALL THE WAY!

i can't believe this. i'm having such a bad night. all of a sudden, i'm beginning to miss an friend of mine who i haven't talked to since a fight he and my boyfriend had. it seems like forever ago, even though it was only a few months ago. we had stopped talking like we used to a long. long time before that. i can still remember the first day we started talking. it was on diversity day freshman year. april 7th i think it was. anyway, i had commented a friend about how much i hated mrs. schiller for making me keep track of what stations i went to, what i did there, etc. next thing i knew, i had a message waiting for me on myspace, from none other than my "friend" (not yet, at that time). he was telling me that i shouldn't bother doing the assignment, that he disliked mrs. schiller as well, yadda yadda, and then i decided to message him back. despite what other people thought of this person, i thought he was pretty cool. i never really had a guy friend who was interested in hearing stuff about me. he was always there when i needed him. we played message tag, and let me tell you, the messages went on forever. i wish i hadn't deleted them all (i needed more space in my inbox) because i never knew how much i'd miss him. and them. he was always there when i needed something. he was always reassuring me that i wasn't ugly, that i was going to make it past whatever the hell was bugging me, that i shouldn't be so down on myself, and that i should do what makes me happy. he helpd me through boy crisis after boy crisis, and didnt mind staying up late with me. he was a really really good friend to me, and i should have treated him so much better than i did. i remember one day, it was on my 15th birthday, he admited to liking me. i felt horrible after that because i was always dumping more boy problems on him. deep down, i had a feeling for him too. but it was a different one. i loved him, like i would a brother or a family member, but i wasn't in love with him. i did like him a little bit, but it wasn't anything entirely huge. communication and hanging out stopped as soon as i started dating my current boyfriend. needless to say, my old friend changed alot. new appearence = new attitude i guess. now we don't talk. we used to try,  but he'd just say dumb sexual jokes to me and try to help me, but it just felt weird. then my boyfriend interfered after one night of taking the sex jokes too far. and that was the last time i talked to him. i'm having a week moment,and i really miss him. i wish i still had all the damn messages saved like i used to. they meant so much to me. you never really know what you have until it's gone...

i finally got a new layout, ahhh! i love twilight, it's so amazing. i'm so excited for breaking dawn to come out, and especially the movie in december! i can't wait 7 months though, ugh! sooo unfair.

rob pattinson and kristen stewart are going to be a GREAT edward and bella, i'm so vamped up :]


that's all for now.
leave something <3

i'm kind of bummed out tonight. my boyfriend and i are always on and off fighting, and today was one of those good days. i felt like we were back when we first started dating, and it made me happy. we went to see "superhero movie" today. it was so funny, drake bell and some other pepole were in it. i laughed out loud alot, haha. i don't usually do that during movies. it was just like "scary movie" only with superhero's lives. so that was funny. after we saw that we walked over to the mall and matt was hungry and i felt bad so i let him borrow some money and he got some taco bell and i had a little bit of it. even though i don't normally like taco's, i ate some anyway. he told me a few things about last night, which was the lounge. now, about the lounge... hah. well, his cousin decided to come up to the lounge, and i had no idea she was even goin to be there. he's her best friend and vice versa, so i knew that i was going to be ignored. i was with emma though, and i guess i was trying to prove that i didn't need him there around me, even if i wanted him there with me. he was floating back and fourth between his cousin and me. i kinda felt like it was a task for him to keep on coming over to me, so i shooed him away so he could go back to his cousin and her bf. he went on and played with his band, and they were good; loud,  but good. then afterwards emma and i went to hang out with kaitie and her friend. i wasn't planning on leaving so early, but matt had informed me last minute that he was leaving early, and i managed to get a ride home with emma. i was a little uspet because if i had let emma leave without me, i would have been stuck there all night alone. so that was that. this.

anyway, back to today. after we got home from the movies/mall, i read a little more in my book, Twilight, and then took a shower. he gave me a call around 9 and told me he was going to his cousins house until friday. apparently he was going to go on the 21st, but i guess he changed his mind. i really don't have a problem i guess... i just hate how whenever something goes right it gets ruined by the fact that he leaves. i can't really talk to him now that much because he'll be with his cousin, he'll have no internet, and i can't spend all day on the phone. so i guess i won't get to talk to him without her until friday. we're going to the talent show together, so i guess that's cool. he was supposed to be in it, but his band broke up. so that's whatever. i'm just really lonely right now. i guess i threw away my life and he became my life. so whenever he leaves, i get like this. i think i get mostely upset because he acts so sweet and sincere before he tells me something or does something that he knows i'm not going to like. he only shows that side of him that i fell in love with when he knows he's making me upset. otherwise i get this plain, dull version of him. he's so happy when he's with his cousin. i just get so jealous because i can't even make him that happy. he talks about her for days at a time and he wonders what i have to be jealous over. i feel like i'm competeing with her and i hate it. ugh.

well, i'm done here.
goodnight.

this year is no where as good as last year. i miss all of the friends i had, all the good times we had, all of those nights staying up until god knows when talking about nothing for hours. we had so many plans for each other and the future. we had our summers for the next three years planned out and it seemed like life couldn't get any better than that. i had the best group of friends i've ever had, and we were all so close. i always feel like it's my fault we all fell apart. i let one person tell me it was time to quit, even if i didn't want to. and i'm always going to regret it. maybe things changed a little, maybe bad influences were brought into the mix, and maybe we all made a few mistakes.  but life goes on, it's part of what makes you who you are. you learn from what you do wrong and you just have as much fun as you possibly can right now. don't worry about the future. just live for right now. i wish i would have listened to myself before my friendships got ruined and i became more and more unhappy with my life. i used to be so happy with my sport, my friends, and my life. i let go of my sport, i let go of my friends, and i let go of myself, all for one person. i thought i was doing myself a favor at the time because there was SO much tension between the groups and i wanted it to be over. and i made the wrong decision. i wish i could go back to that night and take everything i said back because i didn't mean a word of it. yeah i admit that i didn't like how my friends were acting but that didn't mean i didn't want to be friends with them. all i acn say now is everything happens for a reason and keep those memories with me. my friend and i both know that nothing will ever be the same between that group again. the only person who's missing from it is me now, and apparently i am missed, but it's hard to believe anyone would miss me because i walked out with no good reason at all. all i wanna do is take everything back, start over, and hope that i'll be happy again. it's never gonna happen because i'm never going to get that chance, and i don't think anyone's gonna give me that chance. everyone messes up, and my boyfriend won't accept that i messed up when i went away, so i had to make the biggest sacrifice i've ever made, and i shouldnt have even made it. this is my life, not anyone elses. all i want to say right now is that i'm sorry. i'm sorry for anything i've said to anyone that's offended you or hurt you. i'm not a good person anymore and frankly i don't know who i am right now. no one likes me for "who i am" so i'm constantly changing. the person who is supposed to love me the most is looking down on me, and i can't please anyone.


i need to just start over.

it's almost 3:30am and why aren't i sleeping? hm... okay. so i decided to try midol today to see if that would help fix some of my cramps, since it's that time of the month. so, i figured okay, midol. that'll work. so i took that at what, 2pm? yeah, i'd say, that's over 12 hours ago. i had some coke at dinner, and i guess i didn't read the back of the midol because it says "limit the amout of caffinated foods and beverages you intake after taking midol" oh, GREAT. so now i'm up because midol can cause sleeplessness, nervousness and rapid heart beat. i've got all three, i think. ugh. this is gonna be a great start to tomorrow. first day back after spring break and i'll have little to no sleep, i'm hoping after i'm done this i can get a little sleep, an hour or two could be great considering that i haven't even gotten close to falling asleep yet. everytime i try closing my eyes they just won't stay shut.. it's weird, i know. but it just won't work. i can close my eyes but it's no where close to sleeping. i'm not tired, and i can't make myself sleep. i've tried everything - breathing deeply, changing positions, going back on the computer (this is my 3rd time back on since i tried to go to bed around 12:45am) and just plain sitting there. my boyfriend matt who usually would stay up with me since he can sleep the day away is sick so he went to bed at around 10 (lucky HIM). i never update this thing so i guess i'm just going to keep on writing and writing until i decide i'm gonna try and sleep again or it gets to 4 am. whichever comes first. i've got a half hour to kill. i really don't want to go back to school. it's so much work. i had to read the great gatsby over break, ugh. that book sucked, i didn't even understand half of it. thank god for cliffnotes, right? haha. i read chapters five through nine and understood most of that, but chapters one through four were mainly background info, and everyone who already read the book just told me to cliffnote the first four chapters and read the rest. ugh. school is going to suck tomorrow. here's what's probably going to happen:

okay, since mr. horoho's wife had their baby girl, scarlett danielle (aww!) we don't have 0 period. i'm so pissed because that usually means that i get extra sleep... but maybe it'll come in handy if i ever fall asleep tonight! well, after homeroom i'm gonna get to english and mr. schurtz is probably going to give us a test on the great gatsby to make sure we all read it. he always gives the wierdest tests. he asks the most rediculous things like "what color was so and so's shirt in chapter four.." and things that NO ONE pays any attention to. ugh. then after that i'll have to go to american cultures and finish up the newspaper we're doing on the 1920's, whoo. all my group needs is a title page, i hope. i know that i finished my portion of the work so whoever didn't do theirs is their own fault, not mine. after that i have c hild development, and i'm sure i'll be planning a lesson.. but wait. tomorrow's tuesday. not monday... crap, what lessons are we gonna use? oh that's gonna be fun. then there's lunch after that, thank god. hopefully i'm not falling aslelep by then.. i hope there's no "crash" to this sleeplessness crap. that would SUCK. okay, anyway, after lunch there's spanish, and god knows what we're gonna do. probably start something new since we'll be back from spring break and all. ohh vargas, how i do not miss you at all. haha. after spanish we got chemistry, uuuggghhh chem. i don't even know. we're probably gonna continue with the whole chemical bonding thing, awesome. i'm okay at ionic bonds and covalent bonds.. well.. ionic better than covalent, but i don't even wanna know what kinda twist we're gonna get next. it sucks. i think it's day 1 or 4 when i go back so after chem i've got study hall, but i go to choir. and since mr. horoho won't be there, it's gonna be pretty boring, but i'll get a chance to catch up with kaitlyn and maddie, yay :) that's always good. and lastly, we've got math. i'm sure we'll be reviewing for the PSSA's, which are on april 1st through 3rd. ugh! EVERYONE ELSE in the damn school gets a 2 hour delay when us jrs have to be in school to take the damn pssa's. it sucks. last year i didn't have any of these problems. ugh, speaking of problems, my SAT scores weren't so good. i have to re take the test in may, thank god it's at UM this time. yayy, boring old UM. school is soo stressful, and i really miss my boyfriend, which leads me into another topic..

my boyfriend matt terrell means the world to me. i miss him so much right now. i know that if he was feeling well he'd be up with me telling me that it's okay and that i'll be alright. he's so caring, i really wish that i had him here to talk to other than this stupid .. i mean .. other than live journal. he's such a cutie too. i love him so much. he's recording his CD this week with his band called The Hillside. i'm excited to hear what kinda music they're puttin on their CD, i hope it's good! well of course it's gonna be good, it's my boyfriends band! lol. i haven't been hanging out with him a lot lately (well only in the past few days) because of all the practices he's had. i hung out with him last weekend, almost every day during break besides tuesday, thursday, saturday, sunday, today. idk, i won't be able to see him this weekend because he's making his CD, i'm gonna miss him :( he's so important to me, i really don't know what i would do without him. i sent him two myspace messages already, and if he were online right now, i'm sure we'd be talking about what i'm saying here. poor baby, he's sick with some kind of stomach bug. he's always getting sick. we've recently had our one year (feb 27th) and im so happy that we made it that far! and in two days its gonna be 13 months! yayyy! i couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. if i didn't already send him a million messages i'd probably send him another one saying that i haven't slept at alll, haha.

ugh, i'm starting to get a headache and my eyes are getting drowsy, i guess that's a good sign? hopefully it is. i'm gonna try to go until 4 so i can really make sure that i'm tired when i try to go back to sleep. i'm sure when i get up to put the computer back it's gonna mess me up because it gives me energy. maybe i'll just leave it here and turn it off or something. idk. oh people are just gonna love me at school tomorrow, i'm gonna be so miserable and TIRED. soo tired. hopefully i fall right asleep at 4-4:30 so that i can wake up at 6:30 so i atleast got two hours of sleep as opposed to none like i think i'm getting. 15 mins til 4! haha. i'm gonna try and write for five more mins, then go check my myspace and facebook (whos really gonna be up this hour.. im probably the only one) and then try and go back to sleep again. damn, i think this is the longest by far i've ever written on this thing, ever. well, atleast tonight i'll get a very good night sleep, and go to bed early! haha. my elbow just cracked. yay! haha. i seriously have nothing else to say right now. i've said everything that's on my mind, it's not even funny. i've gotten up to go to the bathroom twice because i had nothing else to do. three mins til i can stop, yay. haha. maybe i'll take a survey when i get on myspace. people are gonna be like "oh my god she stayed up THAT late!?" and probably think i'm weird or something. haha maybe i'll comment matt this time and be like "hi baby... i couldn't sleep... so i'm gonna leave you a comment... because i'm still stalling... okay... i llove you... byee.." haha. i can see myself doing that. i've got like gas pains or something going on because my chest and my stomach hurt. i hear a plane.. that's weird. who's flying over philly at 3:48am? weirdos. maybe the people on the PLANE are sleeping, better than me huh!? haha. well i just checked my buddy list and there is NO ONE online but me, even though i'm away. haha. ohhh i'm gonna have a major headache tomorrow, yessir. YES ONE MORE MINUTE TIL I CAN STOP WRITINGGGG. haha. i'm getting a headache right now, and im gonna mess it all up when i go to put the comp back at 4. oh well, i'll be tired. i think it's finally wearing off... i hope!! so tired.. so tired.. yawn... ugh! YES. okay, im done. peace out losers!

- katiemarsh

there's no place else i'd rather be,
than sitting on this rooftop here with you.
you say "we'll be together forever",
but forever's so cliche.
your words get inside of me,
they stick just like a bad memory.
but i want them to stay forever.

honesty is your favorite worry,
there's no turning back now.
why don't you just let me back in?

what's the point of trying,
if trying isn't what you want?
you want change,
and i need a miracle.
what's the point of trying,
if trying isn't what you need?
you want perfection,
and i need you. (don't you see?)

there's nothing that i'd rather do,
besides living my life along side of you.
you say "we'll be together forever"
but forever's so far away.
your love never leave my mind,
it stays just like a flame,
but i want it to burn forever.

honesty is your favorite worry,
there's no turning back now.
why don't you just let me back in?

i'm not as good as you want me to be,
i'm no where near as good as the girl you see.
just say you'll love me for who i am,
and not who i've been.

what's the point of trying,
if trying isn't what you want? (what you want)
you want change,
and i need a miracle.
what's the point of trying,
if trying isn't what you need?
you want perfection,
and i need you. (don't you see?)
2x

don't you need me?